sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
