Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
