Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
