Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
