my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
