ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think people are normalizing furries
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
