You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
