I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
