I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
