i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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