Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
