Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i drank out of a bidet.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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