im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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