Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
