I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
