Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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