i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
