i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
