we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think a kid would responsible me up
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
