return my video game
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
