people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
