I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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