Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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