Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
