can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
