It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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