North Korea, Best Korea!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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