just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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