Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
