We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
