She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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