Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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