I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
