new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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