It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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