im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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