It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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