haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
