i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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