i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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