I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
