when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
