He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
