im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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