I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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