Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
