Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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