omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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