I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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