What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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