I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
