we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
