I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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