it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
